Pointless Investigations 2
Does a moustache make a better Test batter?
The questions nobody sensible would commission, put to 895 men’s Tests since December 2001 and treated with the gravity they do not deserve.
David Boon averaged 43.65 in Tests behind the most famous moustache in the game, and Merv Hughes bowled behind a larger one. The site carries photos of 49 men who have batted mostly in the top seven in at least 20 Test innings since December 2001, and each photo was sorted by hand: 20 show a visible moustache, 22 are clean-shaven or stubbled, and seven show a face hidden behind a helmet grille.
The first finding is that Boon’s moustache is extinct. All 20 moustaches in the sample come with a beard attached. None stands alone.
The moustached batters average 40.5 in Tests, against 40.3 for the clean-shaven. The difference is a quarter of a run per dismissal, carried by Kane Williamson at 54.1, Joe Root at 50.3 and Virat Kohli at 46.9. The clean-shaven side has the two best averages in the sample, Steve Smith’s 56.0 and Harry Brook’s 53.1, and would have won outright but for Mitchell Marsh and Matt Renshaw, both under 29.
The seven batters photographed in a helmet average 37.1, three runs below either group. Batters who wear a helmet for their portrait seem to be the ones to worry about, though a single photo catches one day in a long career.
Further research into the moustache is planned, once enough batters grow one on its own.